Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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