K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Actions speak louder than pants.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
