Swine flu. Run for my life!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
