It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
