Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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