Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
