So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
