And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
