I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my liver is dry heaving
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
