thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
