wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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