well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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