i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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