she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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