I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
