That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
did you just send me my own nude
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
