Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
