Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
