alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
