my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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