I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The feeling are messing with the penis
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
