I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just made out with a guy for $7.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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