Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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