Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
