Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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