The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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