I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
