She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
