the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
