i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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