Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
