I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
