Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
