just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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