no, he came in my armpit
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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