ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I fill condoms, not promises.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
