Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
