she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
