I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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