I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
