yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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