I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
