I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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