1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
