it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
