O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
