my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
