i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
