M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
