Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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