I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
