and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
