I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
