What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
