i will never coherently bang her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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