When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
