Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Someone signed my nipple.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
