I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
