Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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