I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
