You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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