She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
