First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
