Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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