Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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