Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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