Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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