My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
