i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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