...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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